fuck jobs i just wanna be a gay vampire

werewolves or vampires? skeletons or zombies? ghosts or jack o’lanterns? bats or black cats? witches or demons? haunted house or haunted forest? candy or chocolate? orange or black?

vampire memes

direhuman:

officialleoneabbacchio:

sentochoryu:

officialleoneabbacchio:

turning into a swarm of rats mid sentence while talking to someone

debating with your friends what bloodtype a human is based on arbitrary things (ie: “see, he just picked his nose when he thought no one was looking DEFINTELY a type-O” “oh fuck off we both know thats an AB move”)

citing “conservation of mass” as the reason you can turn into one (1) wolf but several rats or bats

Counting The Ceiling Tiles Game, Extreme Version (or, for that matter, ANY counting game, Extreme Version)

holding entire conversations with someone while standing on the ceiling and vehemently avoiding acknowledging or explaining why you are on the ceiling

almost getting yourself killed because you just couldnt stand not knowing what garlic bread tasted like even a second longer

“i need an entire extra closet, just for my eccentric cloaks” “what about your eccentric coats?” “two extra closets-” “what about your eccentric shawls?” “three extra closets-” “what about-” (repeat for as long as your friend can keep coming up with swishy articles of clothing)

feel free to add more

telling knock knock jokes while actually knocking at the door until the owner of the house you are trying to enter gets tired enough to give up and invite you in

looking in the mirror and loudly announcing “oh my god i look AMAZING”

Listing off increasingly specific incorrect things as ‘vampire traits’. “Wears flannel? Vampire trait. Lethargic during the day? Vampire trait. Recent hair growth? Vampire trait. Howls at the moon? Obvious vampire trait.”

ccartstuff:

for teepublic and redbubble ✨

vampireapologist:

rainy-day-daydreamer:

hiccop:

hiccop:

hiccop:

You fools. You absolute idiots

a welcome mat only invites a vampire in if the word welcome is facing away from the door

If you face the word welcome towards the door then the implied invitation is removed you dingles

You can have a welcome mat without letting blood thirsty sanguivores into ur fucking place of residence

Common sense, people!

Wrong. Incorrect. Opens your home to potential unwanted supernatural insurgents.

Correct, much safer. Human guests will not care about the discrepancy and it still gives them a place to wipe their feet

“But wait! What if I’m expecting my vampire boyfriend over later, and I won’t be able to open the door”

Leave an invitation under the doormat like a reasonable person u idiot

…..??????????????

LEAVE AN INVITATION UNDER THE DOORMAT I"M FUCKING YELLING.

GET ONE OF THOSE FAKE ROCKS WITH AN INVITATION IN IT!!!

pondwitch:

pondwitch:

worlds tallest vampire

count everest

moonyismoony:

i-peed-so-hard-i-laughed:

ittlebittle:

dateamonster:

vampire dude to his vampire friend: wow.. looks like there’s only one coffin….. what’ll we do?

other vampire dude who reads a lot of fanfiction: we could……….. share it

and they were tombmates…

oh my god they were tombmates…

mlw (men loving vampire men)

witchella:

Honestly if I was a really old vampire I wouldn’t be pretentious and stuck-up I’d be like “Well, lads,” *kicks my feet up on the table* “Looks like we got another Day on our hands. I really fuckin miss peanut butter. I’m gonna go eat some and after I’m done puking who wants to go politely ask some goth girls if we can drink their blood?”